Sunday, October 28, 2012

happy endings

I saw this on a friend's pinterest and thought it was brilliant.

I'm not a woman that needs a man to validate me. I've got a good thing going on right now in terms of friends, health and outside activities. It just sucks, you know? Sometimes you just have to take a step back and say "hey this sucks." It sucks that another person doesn't want me anymore because he feels he can't trust me. And it's not like I completely trusted him neither. Relationships can't flourish without trust. Yet as always, there is beauty in moving on and moving forward.

Friday, October 26, 2012

the devil is in the details

The moment he walked into the room, I was drawn to his charisma. It wasn't long soon after we were staying up all night in the summer heat blowing smoke into each other's mouths. I was covered in scars and he had ink. I liked to watch him work his hands, calloused hands, a worker's hands. He liked driving fast for hours to ease our minds, ease our loneliness. We took risks, calmed our fears, skipped heartbeats and got into trouble. Home was where ever we made it. Our love was like an inside joke. We had nothing and wanted everything.

Today, I regret nothing. There's no doubt in my mind that at one point we loved each other's company raw and honest, but relationships need room to grow. I moved on to other things, while he went down the path he did. The truth is there's no fairy tale ending for sinners, just one long race. He got ahead while I lagged behind.

Born to Die

New pinterest page!

Hey everyone!

I created a pinterest page! Thank you to the help of a couple friends I learned how to do it. Many people ask what products I use daily or in my life, thus I pinned pics online to show you them. I couldn't find everything yet but I'm working on it.

My Pinterest Page

Much Love,

Saturday, October 20, 2012

No Light, No Light

There is darkness within me, no doubt about it. The hurt, anger, loneliness and vulnerability could be a separate entity in itself like a bubble on the outside looking in. I still walk this balance beam delicately placed in the no man's land within my mind but at the end of my balance beam is a diving board. To dive in means to touch it, to acknowledge it. I have survived the worse and it will always be apart of me. Perhaps more bad things will happen which may invite more darkness but it is familiar now. I survived and now I thrive.

Each time that darkness comes back I will dive in and embrace it. Let the waves rip me up and I'll be put back together like broken glass. And when my pieces flow to shore, the water will have touched every bit of me and I'll realize that it's okay. Brush dust off my shoulders and continue forward because it's alright. 

The darkness is apart of me but it is not all of me. 

Florence + The Machine -No Light, No Light

Animals Have Emotions

Animals are capable of friendship, happiness and love.

from :)

Thursday, October 18, 2012

no h8

I believe in equal marriage rights for those in the LGBT community, because I believe in love. A person's sexual orientation isn't anyone else's business. If two people love each other they will make it work. 

drunks and catholics

I can understand why Religion is very common. Have you ever noticed that during major disasters that the phone lines are jammed? Many people want the fleeting moments they think they have left to make peace such as saying "I love you" to someone dear to them. Or perhaps have a religious figure at their side to help them find peace before death. On the other hand, there are those who in their realization of "I'm not going back home" that they have not found peace and feel regret or fear. I'm not a stranger to loss and death as much I would like to be. I get asked quite a bit that as medic or from working in a hospital if I've been there when someone died. Not many, but enough to leave an impression on me. It's not the moment that bothers me, because usually at the point the person is unconscious. Honestly, it's the moments of realization of "I'm not going back home" that I remember most. But in truth does it really matter what we believe in when the end is near? Probably not. I think it's simply how we carry out each day that bring us peace in the end.

 I remember this one really old dude who was like 90 years old while I was doing my internships. He probably wasn't going home but he was satisfied with his life. He told me lots of stories about his travels. He was happy even near the end of his life. He said that his faith was in loving his family and he's lived that way all his life. God or not, he was at peace.

My beliefs in a higher being do not matter. As long as I don't hurt anyone else for my beliefs then let me be. We will all feel pain even if we think we're safe in our minds. Even the highest believers in God endure some amount of pain. Whether or not that god is physical such as money or omnipresent, we will all feel pain. We're all just here and confused about what goes on after we die. The way I see it, religion can be a guideline for how you live your life until you reach that end point. Perhaps drunks and Catholics are not so different, to some they find comfort in heaven and to others to just vanish.