- Coming from a turbulent home I promised myself that I would never let hatred consume me. I never wanted to wake up in the morning with massive amounts of rage, releasing it onto those who did nothing to deserve this anger. I never wanted to get to this point, because it would mean I would have reached a point where I no longer felt empathy to another human being and I wouldn't be able to see others as equals. I would have become a predator to those who I see as lesser beings such as my children. If I woke up and my first impulse was to abuse and insult someone then my god, I must be very lonely. I would have to be lonely enough for no one to want to talk to me nor listen to what I have to say. The hatred consuming my soul would dig a hole with each negative action I carry out on another person.
- I never want to be a sycophant, a person who feels the need to flatter to get what he or she wants. I won't say who in particular I observed this behavior from because it is a very common one. Being a sycophant means you are an artificial person with little regard or notice to true inner self esteem. A sycophant often suffers from addiction issues or leads to addiction issue, because he or she is not comfortable enough with their own self. He or she may be looking to get the next thrill or fix and the easiest way is by flattering others to get what he or she wants. This flattery is often artificial and insincere, which can be described as a "Two-Faced" person. This person may only want to be nice to those they can get something in return from, therefore they may develop conditional love for those around him or her. Conditional love is you basically only loving a person only if you are getting something in return. This can lead to getting abused in relationships or perhaps doing something outrageous for attention such as feeling the need to create a sex tape for self promotion. Also this type of person may have trouble feeling loved because he or she feels the need to flatter in order to feel this emotion so when they have nothing to offer such as money then emotional problems will develop.
- I never ever want to be a deadbeat parent! This isn't directed toward my parents but someone else that I know. A person who abandons a child for someone else to raise when he or she can perfectly be there themselves is a deadbeat. There are some situations where a parent lacks the ability to take care of a child such as if they are a teen parent and so on. However, a person who just totally ignores their child to go party and so on is extremely irresponsible. They are selfishly putting themselves in front of their own offspring who needs them. This is definitely a lack of priority as well as an inability to help another being other than themselves.
- Lastly, I never ever want to change myself for a man! This means I would have to not see myself as good enough for a particular person even though I am perfectly healthy the way I am. I never want to disregard my own personality or beliefs. This doesn't mean I am not going to seek help if I have a mental illness but to just disregard who I am without any help in order to please someone else. This is probably the lowest form a female can reach because she is objectifying herself by changing instead of being who she is as a person. It also means that this person must have extremely low self esteem and is submissive thus putting him or herself in a situation where he or she can be negatively manipulative.
What all these traits have in common is a very superficial level to them. The surface is stuck pleasing yourself or others around you, but underneath it all it is severely strained. To prevent myself from ever becoming these kind of people I needed to actively take a step back and observe the world around me. Much of the time if a person is walking on a seesaw into one of these directions, then that person may need to seek professional help to undo damage and seek a further understanding on why they act this way. There is no shame in seeking professional help, because there is no shame in being the best person you can possibly be inside and out.